The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

The Easiest Way to be Happy Forever

What happens when you have two memories that are contrasting? How do you pick which one is correct? Is it the one that you prefer to remember? How do you convince yourself which one is the proper memory? To make this even harder it is possible and fairly easy to convince a person to believe something that didn’t happen. Anyone could live the life they wanted to. All you need to do is convince yourself that you are not you. Everyone can be happy forever. Repress your memories, feelings, and self. Become one of us.

The therapy affects mostly the Prefrontal Cortex, the part of the brain most responsible for determining morality and social behavior or control. There is a surgery that is more expensive but more reliable and effective. I have opted not to get the latter. I have heard rumors that the therapy can undo itself over time or be rewritten more easily the second time around; no one has been able to confirm this for me however. There are only two days left before I begin the treatment that will cure me. There is much to be done beforehand and I am positive that I must have this done. It’s time for sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep is natural.

Perception

I see colors when I close my eyes. I see colors when my eyes are open. Who is to say which are more real? All I know is that the only time I see nothing is when I stare into the sun. There is always something or someone to look at, to watch or observe, to criticize or laugh at. People are like the sun. You can see color when you look at them or imagine them if you close your eyes, but sometimes if you stare you’ll see nothing.

Useless Internet Points

“Hey, does anyone want to hang out tonight?”

“Nah, I gotta play (insert any video game here).”

“Good, accrue your useless internet points. I didn’t wanna do anything anyway.”

“That’s cool, I’ll see you on.”

“Nope.”

Wind

If you stop in the wind and feel it wrap itself around your body, breathe in. Breathe deep and enjoy. Unless it’s someone breaking wind, then run..run away.

Kittehs of Pluto

On certain occasions when the cats are barking at Pluto I think to myself, “What is that exquisite noise?” Apparently, the cats are communicating their sorrows with Pluto, who has become sad since it lost it’s planetary status. Cats, being solitary creatures, can easily identify with Pluto’s plight. This wonderful noise creates a tender feeling within all beings that is quickly discarded in favor of dogs— a lesser creature.

Did you know that Guacamole isn’t actually a vegetable? It’s actually a meat paste that is made from Guacamoles. They are dwindling in population due to all the people thinking it is healthy when they are actually eating a ground up sewer dwelling creature.

If I go to subway I get an Italian roll with turkey, lettuce, hot peppers, green peppers, pickles, lettuce, and sometimes spinach topped with a small bit of olive oil. Specific enough?

I also threaten the lives of all their employees to the point where they give me free cookies and to make sure they understand not to mess up my order I run around screaming about them not having chocolate milk anymore. Then I eat my sandwich with a knife, no fork, just to look crazy.

“Waving your arms in the air, foaming at the mouth a little?”

Exactly. Have you seen me before? I usually just go in wearing a man thong; banana hammock if you will.

STOP. This is too silly. Move on. Go along now.

Sometimes I like to eat peas straight from the pod. And then use the pods to make homes for the ants before I light them on fire with the magnifying glass I was using to observe how similar they are to humans and then I realized I could just throw people into volcanoes.